Traipsing
by Hallie
Summary: a songfic, to the fabulous song 'never is a promise,' by fiona apple. a mother talking to her husband and son.


**Traipsing**  
you'll never see/the courage i know/it's colors' richness/wont appear within your view/i'll never glow/the way that you glow/your presence dominates the judgements made on you

I watch you grow, my dear child, my wonderful beauty. I've seen you smile, and light up a room. I've seen you snarl, and silence a house. But why can't you show others this boy I see? Why do you lie to yourself? Why oh why are you swept along by your father?

but as the scenery grows/i see in different lights/the shades and shadows/undulate in my perception/my feelings swell and stretch/i see from greater hights/i understand what i am still to proud to mention/to you

Both of you, too stupid to realise it. I scream inside, I beg you to stop it, Lucius. I implore you, stop ruining our son, let him be! As loud as I shout, how are you still deaf, and to the shrill screeching of change? Change to be had, that should not be had. Leave him alone!

you'll say you understand/but you don't understand/you'll say you'd never give up/seeing eye to eye/but never is a promise/and you can't afford to lie

And you, Draco. You're no better. I use my voice, and you agree. You tell me no, no, never will you traipse down the muddy path of Voldemort. But it's too late. I see you. You think I'm blind? You cannot push a hand over my eyes for much longer. You're going that way.

you'll never touch/these things that i hold/the skin of my emotions/lies beneath my own/you'll never feel/the heat of this soul/my fever burns me deeper than i've ever shown/to you

Still, somehow, day by day, I nod and smile and go on. You're blind, too. Can you not see the hurt, the pain, the sorrow under my eyes? Can you not see me wash away rivers of salt every time I see you? Can you not see my hands, itching to hold you as they once did? Telling you to come back - telling you to take off mudboots and put on dance shoes?

you'll say/don't fear your dreams/it's easier than it seems/you'll say you'd never let me fall/from hopes so high/but never is a promise/and you can't afford/to lie

You promised, Lucius. You said you'd let me do what I wanted, and you wouldn't get in my way. Well guess what, darling? You got in my way. You're in my way. You're standing in my way, Lucius, step aside!

you'll never live/a life that i live/i'll never live the life that wakes my in the night/you'll never hear the message i give/you'll say it looks as though i might give up this fight

Don't you dare try to tempt me. You already have me sneering at everything to save your - our - name. Is that not enough? I guess it isn't. How can I know when you push me, talking of the "perks"? You've come home, aching from his curses. I will never, ever ache like that. I will not go for aspirin in the night. I will not sit in my study and cry. I will not wave you away when you come with honey and tea. I'll remain in the doorway, watching you.

but as the scenery grows/i see in different lights/the shades and shadows undulate in my perception/my feelings swell and stretch in my perception/i realise what i am now too smart to mention/to you

Let me soothe your pains. Let me give your heart a backrub. Let me speak to you. Wave me in, wave me in! Tell me to make it alright, make me tell you what to do. My voice wont be heard otherwise. Though I fear it will be coarse - it has not been used often. It is a timid voice.

you'll say you understand/you'll never understand/i'll say i'll never wake up knowing how or why/i don't know what to beleive in/you don't know who i am/you'll say i need appeasing/when i start to cry/but never is a promise/and i'll never need a lie.

I watch you grow up. I see you, Draco, I see you traipse. Stop it. Turn around. Come in my direction. See me, see me. Or, if you will not, if you are knee-deep in mud, say two words: Too Late.

song :: never is a promise, fiona apple  
characters :: narcissa, lucius, and draco malfoy property of jk rowling  
authors note :: i was sitting up late, as i most always do ((i get six hours of sleep as opposed to the ten my friends regularly get)), listening to fiona apple's cd tidal ((my absolute favorite cd in the world)), and my notebook was open. i was doodling in the margins, utterly bored. and then this song came on. i was hit with inspiration. i quickly flipped the page, disregarding my unfinished drawing of a minako ((from sm; manga style)) reaching out, and started ((playing the song over. and over. and over. and over. lucky for me it's one of those songs you could listen to 1,000 times without it getting annoying)). i'd write a peice of the lyrics, then a section of the story. lyrics, story, lyrics, story. i had the story idea reached out, and it's just amazing how **perfect** this song was for it. i hope you enjoyed it... from narsicca's pov, if you couldn't tell. review..? i rather like this, but i'd like to know whether it was well received or not - that's just the way i am ((another good song (the way i am, eminem))). also, please excuse any spelling errors, typos, grammar mistakes etc.: I use Notepad, which, to my distinct horror, doesn't have a spell check. And, as you may very well know, I'm rather lazy when it comes to these things, and don't quite feel like going over my work most of the time. Thanks again,  
-[Hallie][1]

   [1]: mailto:clasp@desperate.co.uk



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